Enneagram 2s and 9s—how successful could enneagram 2 and 9 relationship be? Will such a relationship set out to be a Shakespearean tragedy or a Julia Quinn bestseller?
Here’s what you need to know about the enneagram 2 and 9 relationship.
These two types embody the meaning of “losing oneself in a relationship”, even if they achieve this objective in different ways and for different causes. 9s love being in love and 2s love being loved (“I want people to be afraid of how much they love me”, as Michael Scott put it).
However, while they lavish attention and care on each other and put their partner’s needs well before theirs, both types keep their own emotions repressed. They will happily run away from introspection to the point that it becomes a case of Nero and his supposed harp!
Some other values that 2s and 9s share:
- Both types value love—love is always the right answer! They also value connection and kindness, and since both types tend to look for the values they appreciate in others, these two are a match made in Enneagram heaven.
- They’re home birds who will warmly welcome anyone into their homes.
- Both types are extremely accepting, optimistic, and good-natured.
2s and 9s have a talent for understanding why their partner does something and where they’re coming from. Because of this, communication between the two is uncomplicated, smooth, and peaceful, without any pressure on either side. Both types also have the skill to pick up on what is left unsaid through body language and cues.
When they’re with each other, each type feels empowered enough to let its best qualities shine through.
Since they’re so self-sacrificial and focus on putting the other person first, 2s and 9s can end up in a relationship where no one’s wearing the pants (and not in a good way, before you get excited).
In every relationship, there needs to be either one constant person making decisions or taking charge, or this must be divided between both partners. If you know 2s and 9s, you know that this kind of behavior isn’t either type’s forte. While one may eventually step up and do it, it won’t be without a feeling of being the bad guy and induce a lot of stress.
Additionally, in such a role, 2s may become dominant (again, not in a good way, so let’s calm it) and even excessively sentimental, while 9s may wallow or get overdramatic.
Also, as mentioned earlier, both types would rather survive another World War than talk about their feelings. Try telling either type that they’re a family and that families talk about things, and both will come back to saying that families ignore things till they go away!
Another issue that a 2-9 couple faces is weak boundaries. As we said, both types love losing themselves in their partners until it’s too much and too overwhelming.
In such a case, 9s become disengaged and withdrawn, while 2s, our Tinkerbells, get more demanding, craving attention and time. So, we have one partner playing the victim and the other “victimizing”, which can set off quite a downward spiral.
Will they talk it out and sort it out? Hardly.
Because they avoid conflict with a burning passion and don’t talk about how they’re feeling, no talking will likely happen. The relationship will continue because neither has it in them to break it off, but both partners will remain extremely unhappy until someone finally gathers the capability to end things.
A 2-9 relationship is among the healthiest in the Enneagram system if both partners are aware of each other’s strengths and characteristics and what is lacking.
32-year-old Shirley and 35-year-old Jake’s relationship flourished when Shirley, a type 2, realized that her partner’s type 9 personality meant longer deliberation, lesser socialization, and a generally slower pace of life. Taking such pressure off Jake helped him respond better to Shirley’s needs.
2s and 9s, at their healthiest, can help each other grow, be more present, ask for what they need, and establish firm boundaries, becoming invaluable to each other. We know that opposites attract, but a 2-9 relationship can be a very welcome exception to this maxim!